One week from yesterday I will join thousands of women as a part of IF:Gathering. I will be at IF:Austin with over 1000 women and we will be joined online with thousands from all over the nation and the world at IF:LOCAL. I am so honored to be a part and I have to tell you that I’m also a little apprehensive. I’ll be honest as to why. Let’s back up for a second…
9 years ago, while I was a part of the group, Avalon and we were joining platforms with the largest women’s conference in the church world. We were the first artist that they selected to join on their platform for their entire year. We ended up actually doing this for almost 2 years. It was wonderful. I met some amazing women speakers, worship leaders and other artists. I was on the “inside” not because I was an artist on the stage but because I shared the same ultimate convictions, the same theology, and the same ideology. That one conference was representative of all the conferences I attended or was a part of. I easily fit in there.
Without really setting out to, over those next 4 years, as life came and challenged me I changed little by little. It was never drastic but a slow stretching, questioning, and owning of my own beliefs not only of God but of my views of God’s beautiful world. I found such peace and joy in the actual process and also where I landed on each step of that journey. But I realized that I was also now on the “outside”. I was not there because people didn’t love and care for me, I was on the outside because I now didn’t share the same ideology and the same worldview as the majority of my friends who are also professionals in the Christian industry.
So a year ago I was approached by Jennie Allen and Lindsey Nobles to talk about IF:Gathering (which would be so much more than a conference but none the less included one)and joining their leadership team, I was honored that they’d ask me to even be involved. But I knew from past experience that maybe I wouldn’t fit here. The who’s involved are major – the most successful, beautiful, wonderful, and talented women in the industry who just so happen to believe differently than I do on some theological issues. But IF was not going to be issue driven, if was TABLE driven. Now if you know me well at all, I’m all about the table – the shared space – the inclusive nature of pulling up a seat to bring not only your whole self to the equation but ALSO opening up your whole self to listen, to be filled, challenged, encouraged, and stretched by the one across from you. For me the TABLE is the beauty of the kingdom. So I jumped on board. I am a part of a leadership team who is “seemingly” filled with those who fall on a different side of the majority of theological places that I do. Which, I have to add, has NOT been a problem for me nor I think for them. IF is supposed to be the coming together in order to partner and effectively make a difference in our world together.
So this time I’m coming to this major Christian conference feeling as an outsider and I think there will be a lot of us.
I don’t say that with a chip on my shoulder about this but in the transparency that comes with the reality of the situation.
So I am apprehensive not because I don’t feel welcome or loved but because I come knowing that maybe this time am the minority… maybe.
But I am hoping…
That in coming to this table, in participating in IF as the leadership and the conference, in actually focusing on the doing that so desperately needs to be done in this world that we can erase those lines of in and out that we draw both for others and for ourselves.
That we can diminish the exclusive circles where only those that agree can belong.
I am hoping that the majority doesn’t overwhelm the minority and that neither side uses our time to convince the other to change.
I am hoping for a move of God’s Spirit.
A move that balances us as individuals and as the Church.
A move that allows God’s spirit to guide us FROM the wars we focus on and fight internally in our Church TO standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder in effort to move out and heal the world that needs to see and know love.
So I come.
Because I believe in both God and humanity. I believe in us.
I push through being tentative to trusting so that we can be more together.
If God is real… then unity without uniformity can happen.
I believe and I hope you do too.
Look forward to meeting, joining, listening, talking, eating, worshiping, learning, and toasting wine with all of you at the table.